✨Let’s get historical, bitches.

Have you ever had dreams of going to a play? Getting all dressed up with your beard and tall ass hat? Yeah, me too. And so did Abraham Lincoln.

Abraham Honest Lincoln decided that he wanted to treat himself and his lady to a night on the town, by getting lit. 🔥 jk. He simply wanted to have an exquisite evening of watching a play at Ford’s Theater in Washington, D.C. Abraham thought he was going to see a bitchin’ performance of our American Cousin. Idk what it was about, gang but it sure sounds like an interesting title.

I bet it was about someone’s cousin. Who was American. That’s it. That the plot.

On April 14, 1865, Abe was clocked my John Wilkes Booth. Who ironically was an actor. Excuse me!? ☝️ what the hecky, Becky?

So Abraham Lincoln’s hat failed him because he was shot in the HEAD with a single- shot Philadelphia Deringer pistol. Oh. Wait a what?

A single-shot Philadelphia Deringer pistol. Okay, sure. What the hell. John did that and he wasn’t sorry about it. Y’all know he ain’t even sorry. It doesn’t matter because now? Now he is dead. Hehe 🤭

John decided he was gonna dip and he just got the hell outa there, kinda. Apparently he slashed Major Henry Rathbone in the arm with a Bowie knife, then he leaped from the box to the stage, breaking his leg, and shouted “sic semper tryannis.” The hell did you say, John?

Y’all know there were people who were behind this as per usual. Conspiracy, murder, and great offense. People had zero chill back then. Forget to say hi to your neighbor!? INSTANT DEATH. IMMEDIATE MURDER scheme. Then.. and THEN, Karma came a knockin. John answered the door and got shot with a Glock at two o clock. Kidding but he was shot by fatally shot in Port Royal, Virginia, on April 26, 1865.

BAM 💥 KARMA.

Please wear top hats and mop your floors. Or John Wilkes Booth will (somehow?) come knocking at your door.

RIP Abraham Lincoln. My favorite president. Even though I was not alive.

🤍 L.W.